Saturday, January 06, 2007

What's Next?

What's Next? Jed Bartlet used to ask that all the time on The West Wing when he was ready to move on. The first of the year seems like a good time to ask What's Next?

What's next is that some of the better TV shows are finally returning from Christmas hiatus next week. House is back although if they drag this damn cop story out any longer, I may foreclose on my TIVO season pass. David Morse's character is starting to deserve that rectal thermometer that House “forgot” to remove. Most detectives don't have the kind of time he is spending on this case, so it is moving past the believable stage. I predict he had a younger sibling or something that was a drug addict and he couldn't save them so he's got a bug up his ass about it. Maybe the bug got irritated by the thermometer.

I'd like to see Clay Aiken guest on House as a long haired rock singer with some kind of strange disease that House will solve at 9:55 after nearly killing him with some kind of chocolate enema. I think they should put him in a johnnie that doesn't quite close all the way in the back. Unlike that detective, Clay has a mighty fine ass. (For those who don't know, a johnnie is slang for a hospital gown. I've mentioned the term to a few different people and they had never heard of it. Is it northeast slang? The south has Larry the Cable Guy-do we have Seth the Orderly?)

I'd also like to see some changes to the House doctors. Can Cameron please get rid of the 3rd grade haircut? Can Chase actually grow a pair? (For benchmarking see Aiken, titanium) Can Cuddy just be a smart, strong, sometimes nice and sometimes shrewd woman in power without always wearing tops where she's exposing more boobage than Pamela Anderson at the OB/GYN?

Studio 60 returns on January 22nd. I think this show has hit its stride after they realized that the comedy sketches they wrote into the fake SNL show weren't, well...funny. Aaron Sorkin takes time to fully develop his characters and I'm starting to get a feel for who these people are now. When the delicious Bradley Whitford said to Amanda Peet's character “I'm coming for you, Jordan” well, I don't know how she just stood there. I'm coming for you too, Brad, but perhaps we don't mean the same thing. I'd like to see more backstory on some of these people as well.

Clay would be perfect for this program but he'd probably have to play himself as the musical guest of the fake SNL program. There is a Clay parallel in just about every episode and they even mentioned his name once. It's like a game to watch the show now and look for the similarity to something in Clay's life. He is a big fan of Sorkin's West Wing and his suit raised some serious bucks for Whitford's Clothes Off our Backs charity so how about it, Aaron? You could use the ratings bump. A good director like Tommy Schlamme could pull a great performance out of Clay. Don't you just love that name? Tommy Schlamme. I wonder how many kids he had to beat up in middle school.

LOST will remain so until February. I don't know what's next for that show but I hope they tie up some story lines before they add five more. Clay doesn't really like water so unless he lives in the hatch somewhere, that one is probably out. That's OK, it lets me cheat on him with Desmond. I must have a thing for a guy with an accent. And no Pink Armchair, I do not have one.

So, that leaves What's Next for Clay? His single, “A Thousand Days” hits AC radio on 1/15. Of course, if RCA supports it in the same way it has his last few singles (which has the likelihood of me joining the Kelly Ripa fanclub) than we'll call to request it and the DJ on the phone will hem and haw with some lame excuse. It's really the way I want to spend the month of January since I don't ski...except not. (Although we've had no snow in the northeast yet this year because El Nino has bad breath or something.)

Here's what I'd like to see next for Clay after a well deserved bit of time off for another hour or so. What could he have been alluding to with his mention of a fresh start in 2007? (And I don't think it was just another New Year's reference, if things are going well than you don't need a fresh start.)

I hope he's reading scripts right now for the above mentioned TV appearances as well as a big sweeps performance on SNL where he parodies the crap out of all the absurdity from 2006.

I hope he's reviewing offers from Paul Smith, Kenneth Cole or another designer because Clay was meant to model designer suits.

I hope he and Eman are writing songs for soundtracks like The Kite Runner and some romantic comedy where maybe he has a small role as the leading guy's best buddy who ends up falling for the leading gal's best buddy. I'd like to see him with Ashley Judd, I think. And one huge screen kiss where she sucks on that bottom lip in a close up that results in the female portion of Clay Nation negotiating for overnight accommodations at every movie theater in North America.

Finally, I hope what's next is that he's ready to fulfill whatever obligation he has with RCA over the next 90 days or so and that what's REALLY next is the first day of his new career with a company that knows marketing this entertainment genius is a no brainer and a lucrative one at that. My dream for what's next is that RCA is his history and the next chapter is the world. If that isn't the case, the dream just became a nightmare.

Eyes on the Prize.

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Invisible926 said...

Brava, CB! I was looking forward to reading this blog. You didn't disappoint. My hopes for Clay are identical to yours. He doesn't throw words into cyberspace lightly. I think "fresh start" was a not so subtle hint. May all of his dreams come to fuition when he makes that soft landing. May it happen "soon."

thawtful1 said...

An fyi - Studio 60 doesn't start back up until the 22nd. Your comment said next Monday. Thought you might want to know so you can correct it.

CB said...

The Studio 60 homepage off of has a banner that says the next new episode is this Monday (1/8) so unless the webmaster made an error, NBC moved it up.

CB said...

HA! I just checked that website again and it says 1/22 so I guess the webmaster DID make an error. Up until two days ago it said 1/8. They are very annoyed at that message board.

Does the NBC webmaster work for RCA?

WRU-WRU-WRU said...

I think OMC is going to be fantastic this year, thanks for sharing!

Krysta said...

I love TWW, OMC and S60, can't go wrong here. :)

Want to see a great vid?


Birdie9 said...

Great blog! I especially love the "titanium," and "mighty-fine ass" parts.

I'm a "Heros" fan myself, but don't know how they would fit our guy in that one. Although, our hero was already in one cartoon strip. I'm sure if we think about it...

I like "House," too, and he would be a perfect fit as "McDreamest" in "Gray's Anatomy."

Pink Armchair said...

I really enjoyed this, almost enough to check out Studio 60 again. As long as Clay stays far away from American Idol, I'm good! (Unless he's debuting some kickass song, anyway.) Thanks!