Clay and Kimmel: iObsessed

(The sound of a phone ringing in the darkness, followed by a loud groan.)

Kimmel (unseen): Somebody...better be...DEAD. (The bedside lamp switches on, and Kimmel squints painfully at the clock and snatches the phone.) HELLO!

Clay (exuberantly): Hey, Jimmy!

Kimmel (pointedly): Well. If it’s isn’t Mr. Eastern Time Zone.

Clay: Oh...sorry! Ah’m jest so excited! Ah’ve bin callin’ everbody Ah know!

Kimmel (wincing): Why? Did Kathy Griffin get kidnapped by aliens? No, wait, don’t tell me -- Perez Hilton died of hair dye poisoning!

Clay (laughs): No! Jimmy, Ah was--

Kimmel: You singlehandedly brought about world peace?

Clay (smugly): Nah. Ah was savin’ that fer next week. Jimmy. (barely able to contain himself) Do Ah sound different?

Kimmel: Different? No, you sound like you’ve been sucking on helium as usual. Why?

Clay: Oh, yore such a kidder. No...Ah jest wondered...well...guess what Ah’m talkin’ ta ya on!

Kimmel (sleepy, impatient): Clay, I don’t know. An orange juice can on a string? A shoe phone? The Psychic Friends Network?

Clay (proudly): Ah’m talkin’ ta ya on mah brand new...iPhone!

Kimmel: That’s all? That’s what you called about? That’s why you woke me up at four in the morning?

Clay: Well...yeah! Jimmy, it’s...so...KEWL! Ah’ve bin sittin’ here all night playin’ with it--it does so many amazin' thangs!

Kimmel (wearily): I could make an analogy here, but I don’t think I will.

Clay: Ah even blogged with it...TWICE.

Kimmel: Really. I hope you rested in between.

Clay: No, Ah didn’t need to!

Kimmel (shrugs): Well, you ARE ten years younger than me.

Clay: Eleven, but who's countin.' So...Ah bin surfin’ the Net, lookin’ at pitchers, listenin’ ta mah songs, gittin’ directions--

Kimmel: Since when do we guys ask for directions? And here’s what I want to know: does it make a sandwich?

Clay (laughs): Ah don’t think so...but Ah haven’t made it through the whole manual yet.

Kimmel: Well, it's nice to know somebody actually reads those things. (yawns) I’m going back to bed. I’m glad you like your new toy. Oh...and by the way, whaddya think I’m talking to YOU on?

(pause)

Clay: You got one, too -- an’ ya didn’t TELL me?

Kimmel: iConfess. So...how long before you lose it? I got a bet going.

(pause)

Clay: Jimmy? Git iStuffed.


A heartfelt thanks to shine in nc for the use of her lovely iPhotoshop.

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Clay Aiken, Jimmy Kimmel, The Climmel, iPhone, Kathy Griffin, Perez Hilton, Clay and Kimmel

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