Saturday, October 04, 2008

Clay Aiken - Killing The Elephants In The Room

I've always been a proud fan of Clay Aiken, the entertainer and the man. Now, more than ever. Clay blogged to his fans late yesterday and spoke so eloquently about who he is, his decisions about his personal life, and what role the media should play in a public figure's life.

Clay has never made me cry (well, except for when he sings sometimes - but not just real life) - until I read this blog. And again when I read it to MrNan. Clay Aiken is a remarkable and fascinating human being. I hope that blog is reposted in a variety of different places. It is a beautifully written, heartfelt call for tolerance and privacy. To the gay gossip bloggers who think they can choose for another when is the right time to come out. To the fans who insisted that Clay must identify himself as a gay man - or a straight man - to everyone who thinks their personal interpretation and feelings about another human being trumps the feelings of the person - he has spoken. I am beyond thrilled with what Clay has written and I am so excited about Clay's future, both personally and professionally.

Here is Clay, reminding all of us - fans and not fans - about what is really important in life:

"What a week or so this has been. In fact, it's just been two weeks since I started back to the Spam. Jerome and I were just talking the other day, though, about how the past two weeks have felt like a month. So much routine to get back into and yet so much routine and consistency to break. No doubt, many of you have been going through quite a bit over the past week or so yourselves. What a bunch of headline news we have had in the past 10 days! Wall Street falling to it's knees. Congress propping it back up. Two debates. Hijackers in Somalia. New leaders in South Africa and Japan. You'd think with all of the important events going on in the world, there would be plenty to fill up the pages of America's newspapers, websites and blogs without the need for information on the private lives of the country's singers and entertainers. But, alas, thats never the case. In fact for the last five years, I've found what seems to have been an inordinate amount of interest (not from the public, but from the media) in my own personal life. The questions never seemed to stop. Oh sure, they die down for a period, but they resurface. The wind blows another direction, and I do yet another interview worried that my personal life will become a topic of discussion. No doubt the birth of Parker would bring the same scrutiny, just heightened. It's an interesting time we live in. Gone are the days when entertainers could go about their lives without the invasion of privacy that we now see everyday in the form of paparazzi and internet tabloid bloggers. So, in the hopes of being able to sing and act (and dance poorly) and do what I love to do for a living while raising my son in a hopefully more private and accepting environment, I chose to go ahead and confront things head on. Yes, I would have preferred to separate my personal life from my professional life. I would have been just as happy to go on without discussing my orientation. But, it seems like that was not an option. Make no mistake, its not because I am ashamed. No, not for a minute. I haven't always been as comfortable as I am now, but I am without a doubt, proud of who I am and make no apologies for it. Instead, I would have been happy to have kept my personal life private for that very reason. Because it's personal life and I have always considered myself a private person. But, living as myself without discussing my sexuality publicly would have been as impossible. One chance to expose the truth would have been a payday for any greedy opportunist.

I went to American Idol, much like many of us did "back in the day". Naive. Unlike the contestants who join up today, we had no idea of the power and pull of Idol when we signed on. (I'm sure many of us season two folks like to think we are the reason the show got so big!!! ;-) ) There I was two months off of the biggest show in the country, sitting at a table with a reporter from Rolling Stone who was asking me every single question I would never think of. Twenty-four years old in the rest of America is a LOT younger and more naive than twenty four years old in the media business. So when this guy started asking me about things that I didn't really know how to answer for myself... things that I was not yet ready to admit to folks like my mother and my family.... things that I found intimidating and invasive, I responded in what I assumed was a benign way at the time. I attempted to "out spin" a professional. I wasn't as good as I thought I was. But, I have no regrets. The truth is, I don't apologize for the responses I gave to that reporter or any reporter over the past five years. I did make every attempt I could after that one interview to never say "I am not gay" or "I am straight". And I never said either. (some interpreted my vague answers to mean that... but I never said either) Some will say thats misleading. In truth, it might be defined that way. But, a better definition and a more accurate way to describe it for me, is a redirection and an attempt to change the topic to something that matters more. For some of you it won't be enough, but I can't apologize for keeping my personal business to myself. If someone feels that they were mislead, I can totally understand that viewpoint and apologize for that feeling, but I can't apologize for how I handled questions that affected me and my right to privacy.

In my opinion, sexual orientation is ALWAYS a private thing. I think the OVERWHELMING majority of people agree with that. Why in the world should someone's sexual orientation be a news item? Why should anyone care? Yet, for all we espouse as a society about tolerance and open mindedness we forget to allow folks the opportunity to be who they are without judgement. Making a decision to come out to family is a difficult and heavy decision. But, for every young man or woman who is struggling with it, it should be a decision that is made on his or her own schedule ONLY. It's never acceptable for anyone to make such a decision for anyone else nor to coerce someone to take such a significant step before they are ready. Not a friend, not a stranger, not the media. So, I waited until the time was right for me. For that I can't apologize either.

There are plenty of you who have anticipated this blog in hopes that I would "set the record straight" or "admit to lying for five years and apologize for it". For that small group of people, I am afraid I will have to disappoint you. My decisions over the past five years have been made with lots of deliberation and at times even heartache. Always with concern for folks who might feel mislead. Don't doubt that. But they have also been made as an attempt, not to hide my true self, but instead to allow myself the same liberties and rights that every single gay man and woman in the world should have... the right to determine for myself when I was ready to discuss my personal life. In as much as that, at times, was interpreted as misrepresentation, I feel badly. But I reserved that right for myself and I can't say I regret it.

I have endeavored over the past several days to allow folks to vent and express themselves as freely as possible without restriction on these message boards. There is no way to change a person's mind when you tell them they are wrong. We all, when backed into a corner, have a human instinct to swing. Having different feelings and opinions and viewpoints are only natural. The only way to deal with that is to accept everyone's right to disagree, and allow them to discuss their feelings. I always have, and I always will. That said, it hasn't been, nor do I imagine it will be, my intent to make the message boards or the OFC a clearinghouse or discussion zone for sexuality or such topics. I hope we can always continue to discuss the same things we have always found important. The need for inclusion for children with disabilities. The desire to make sure every child in the world has access to their basic needs for survival. And any other topics that will make our neighborhoods, our regions, our country and our world a better more acceptable place (where that relates to issues involving sexuality, I hope we are able to advocate, at those times for the acceptance of others)... and I hope we will all still use the message boards for the lively discussion of the need for better entertainment and music in the world!!!! ;-) That said, as of this posting, I have asked the moderators to archive the thread regarding the People magazine article and close it from discussion. For those of you who are still struggling, I encourage you to continue to talk to your friends and neighbors and fellow OFC members in the thread devoted to such support. It is not going to be as easy as accepting something over night, but I believe that we are on the right track. The moderators will resume their regular duties of moderating the boards in the fashion that they did prior to last week, and I (and hopefully all of us) will resume our routines in the same fashion as well. Talking about music, talking about potential tours and other performances and appearances, talking about me forgetting my lines of tripping on stage in Spamalot, and discussing with our friends how many times we have seen the show and will see it! (And... looking forward to the announcement of out Playbill contest winner!!!)

Finally, I will say that, also representative of most every other gay man and woman in the world, that I am not defined by my sexuality. No more so than each of you are defined by your sexual orientation. No more than a man or woman is defined by race or ethnicity. It is, simply, a small facet of the same person I have always been. Most of you realize that nothing has changed. I hope to continue being able to entertain you in the same way I have for the past five years. And I hope you will allow me to continue to inform you of the causes that I find important and entertain you with the music and performances I love. For I love and cherish you all. Yesterday, now and forever.


For anyone concerned about this being brought over from the OFC, Clay has given his OK for his blog to be posted on message boards.

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Anonymous said...

Ever the teacher and opening minds to acceptance of all people, based on their character. My admiration for this man is immense. Thankyou Clay for being the man you are.

Pink Armchair said...

Wonderful! I'm very proud to be a fan of this remarkable man, and honored to support his career. Long may he wave!

Corabeth said...

As my good friend, GBB said the other day.

What man, what a man, what a mighty good man.

I have never been prouder to be a Clay Aiken fan than I am today. Not the day he won his first American Music Award. Not the day I heard the heartfelt lyrics to his first penned song, Lover All Alone. Not the day he took Broadway by storm and proved he was just as funny as he was musically talented. Not the day he was appointed a UNICEF Ambassador.

Today's blog showed all of that rolled into one amazing human being.

The sad thing is those who tried to hard to push him out of the closet, from the media to the internet bloggers to even some who call themselves fans won't get the part where he is talking about how cruel and invasive that is.

He's far, far more tolerant of them then I could ever be.

This is one special person. Now, let the entertainment industry give him his due. He's earned it. In more ways than one.

Anonymous said...

I have been a fan of this fine man since day one and I have never been prouder of him. He is so very wise and absolutely incredible. Others have said it better, but I love him more than ever. Now is Clay's time. As his song says, "The Best is Yet to Come!"

Anonymous said...

Great blob and so true. I am so proud to be a fan of this amazing man.

Anonymous said...

You do know that it's against OFC rules to take anything from that board and put it anywhere, right?

At one time they had the blog available to read outside the membership --- but this has been fixed.

I'm a fan of Clay's and will stand by him.

Invisible926 said...

As I said to a dear friend earlier, Clay is an exceptional human being. We are lucky to have him in our world as a teacher, entertainer and humanitarian.

Something about Clay grabbed me when he stepped on the American Idol stage. It must have been his heart and spirit.

I am proud to call myself a fan of Clay Aiken. Always and forever.

dee said...

From those early days of AI2 I had this deep feeling that we were witnessing in Clay something very special . Something above and beyond a sweet young man with a heavenly voice . I had no idea ! I am so happy to have been along for the ride . I have learned so much and am so proud of this exceptional man . I agree . The best is yet to come .

Corabeth said...

Anonymous 12:53, Clay gave permission for this particular blog to "travel".

gerra said...

Clay really is a very wise man and a teacher through and through. I couldn't be prouder of him.

Anonymous said...

Clay Aiken is one in a million. I am so proud to call myself a Clay Aiken fan.

Anonymous said...

I can promise you one thing, I will never turn my back on Clay, I came for the voice, I stayed for the man....Clay Aiken will forever have a huge spot in my heart!! I will support him 120%

Ashes said...

Clay is a wonderful and amazing young man. He has always been wiser than his years. I stand by our man, and adore him more than ever.

Chardonnay said...

I never expected such a wild ride when we started out five years ago. But I wouldn't trade a single second of it. I still just love that man with every inch! Of my being.

berkeley said...

The more I learn about Clay Aiken, the more I admire this extraordinary man.

Even if his socks don't match. ;)

What an amazing call for acceptance, respect and privacy for all of us, gay or straight, famous or unknown. This should be required reading for anyone who tries to override how anyone person chooses to define himself or herself. No one has that right except for the individual.

Compassion, integrity, a blue-moon vocal talent, a surprising gift for acting, a quicksilver wit and a quirky attractiveness that is uniquely his own?

All reasons that I will love and cherish him, "yesterday, now and forever."